I have been staying clear of this blog for several weeks. It has been deliberate and difficult. From my last posts, you should know that I have been planning a move for the better part of the last year and everything was starting to happen. On March 21, I was approved for an apartment in Tappahannock. That move was facilitated by the fact that my job was letting me work from home full time and so I would keep my big town salary and benefits and still get to move to a small town that was cheaper.
On March 25, I found out that I am losing my job on May 31. The company is closing down this summer. And this all means that the move is off.
My avoidance of talking about it really was in deference to the fact that the companies clients and vendors needed to be notified (and since some of them are connected to my Facebook account I didn’t want them to find out from me).
I have to say, the shock of learning I was losing my job took priority over the fact that I would not be moving. It took a while for that hurt to set in. But it has now. And the sadness is prett overwhelming.
I had a phone interview last week and have been sending out resumes. I would like to stay in the field I am in now, non-profit fundraising, and am even considering trying to work at a museum directly. I am also applying for jobs in other parts of the country. Since I was hoping to move, there is no reason that I would have to stay here unless that is where the job offer was.
I would appreciate your prayers. As many of you know, I have been here before. But this one was hard…I loved this job. I love this company. I love these people I work with. And that is very very rare.
I am moving soon. Its official – the first part of May I am out of Woodbridge and off to start a new “something” for myself. It is a time for reinvention, self-discovery, re-evaluation, and learning. Sounds really impressive right? Well, it will be if I can get out of my own way and try something new. They say you can’t expect new results is you do the same thing over and over again. So it is time for a new perspective so that I can see new perspective.
I have a few goals for the move:
- Find a church
- Meet a couple of my neighbors (I live in a neighborhood where I know virtually no one)
- Find a Bible Study or Sunday School Class
- Find a group of ladies to scrapbook with
As you can see, there is a social aspect to all of this. It is interesting to me that for as long as I have lived in Woodbridge, I have very few friends there. I know people. I know lots of people. But for the most part they are not people I spend time with. I like them. I think they like me to some degree. But I spend a lot of time alone. People have been “warning” me about the loneliness of moving to a place where I know no one and no one knows me. But really, I have been living like that for quite a while.
Evidence of this can be seen in the fact that I am stressing about finding help for the move. Part of the issue is that I don’t like asking. And I have to get over that … and fast. Part of it is that I know it is a lot to ask people to give up part of a weekend to help me. Part of it is that I just don’t have that many people to ask. I know lots of people…but I am not close to lots of people. I know that even if I have to move in over the course of a month – one car load at a time – I will.
So if you have some free time the first weekend of May – or know anyone who does – and in particular if you have a pickup truck – I could use some help. I will be out there asking over the next couple of weeks. I have to trust that this will happen. I have to trust that God will work out the details. And I have to trust that I can get past my own reluctance in asking and just ask.
7 months ago today, my world turned upside down. It has been a dark few months with a lot of internal struggle, anger, animosity, and proverbial gnashing of teeth. And in the last few weeks there has been a change…an upswing. A moving forward that I didn’t really see coming. But there it is.
I toured an apartment in a new town this week. While I didn’t get that one, I did get put on the list for one opening up in May. Perfect timing really – trying to move by April 1 would have been a stretch. I still have to get approved for the apartment but regardless of how it turns out, it has given me this propelling motion…moving forward is a good thing.
I have a couple of concerts I am looking forward to, a baby shower I am helping to plan, and a busy work schedule that is thankfully slowing down for the year. (Slowing…not slow).
So as you are about to see – this month was no so great. I mentioned this before but the fear of moving is really setting in so I think that combined with not feeling well and cold weather has lead to a slowdown.
March – has to be better.
- Continue 2013 Project Life – and finish completely the January pages already started. – well I have sort of done this…I need to print a bunch of things. Hopefully this weekend.
- No fast food. – um…no so much. I did three times this month.
- Walk 40K this month. – yeah…no
- Take 12 pictures. – I think a took a few on my phone but not really.
- Blog 4 times. – nope today makes 3. I started 3 more but never finished them.
- Purge at least 1/4 of the supplies in my scrap room – either by giving, selling or using it up. – YES! Success here. They are gone and with my sister or Sara.
- Purge my wardrobe of the things I no longer love and use. – I threw away some things. Need to do more.
- Regrow my broken nails on plan on a bi-weekly manicure (a little $12 a week gift to me). Yes and no. I don’t bite them…no manicure since January.
- Spend at least 1 day each weekend out in the world. – that I have managed to do…or at least a part of a day each weekend.
- Read at least 2 books. – no. But I did manage to see a lot of Grumpy Cat this month…
- Continue the Made to Crave Bible Study at FBCW. – I sort of fell out of this when I got sick one week. I have the books however and am soldiering on alone with it.
- Try at least 2 new recipes. – I think I did.
- Try at least 1 new food. – no
- Try one thing from Pinterest. – Yes, but I don’t really remember what it was…
- Embrace my word for 2013 – Renew. Look for places where I can be renewed each day. – many days this was not happening but occasionally it did.
- Spend time in prayer each morning before things get too crazy for the day. Allow myself to be quiet in His presence at least half of that time. – yes, but not everyday yet
- Listen to 1 new Broadway soundtrack. – Yes!
- Travel to NYC for a weekend in December (a hard one usually since I am busy) - I am not sure why this was in the Feb list…it should not have been
I am totally stealing this idea from a blogger named Stephanie Howell. You can find her blog here. There are rules – you can find them in her posts.
The idea is that you brain dump about what is on your mind. And here it goes:
1. Lately it seems like one small thing throws my schedule off the track. I missed 2 rehearsals. I find that I need a more balanced schedule than I have been keeping. Once I am working at home full time, I will need that discipline. So the time to start is now.
2. Had a great breakfast with Penny and Sara this weekend. It has been entirely too long since I saw Penny. Keep thinking I need a weekend in SC.
3. Started this 8 week challenge with my sister and her friends. I totally fell off the wagon. So today I reboot the program. So here is to 8 weeks.
4. Feeling lonely this week. Not sure what is going on. Maybe it is the schedule thing – or maybe it’s just the time of year – I don’t know. But it is acute right now.
5. I can’t remember laughing really hard in a long time. I posted a video this AM of a baby laughing on Facebook and it just reminds me that I don’t laugh like that anymore. When did I get so serious? I wasn’t always like this.
6. Fear has been setting in about the move. Maybe that is where this is all coming from. I am pushing through it but it is there.
7. Falling behind on my 40 before 40 list. Way behind. Will need to do some serious catch up over the next few months.
8. I feel like I need to make some extra cash. Probably part of the fear from moving thing.
9. Purging my life right now. Physical stuff…and based on above…emotional stuff as well.
As promised here are my goals for February:
- Continue 2013 Project Life – and finish completely the January pages already started.
- No fast food.
- Walk 40K this month.
- Take 12 pictures.
- Blog 4 times.
- Purge at least 1/4 of the supplies in my scrap room – either by giving, selling or using it up.
- Purge my wardrobe of the things I no longer love and use.
- Regrow my broken nails on plan on a bi-weekly manicure (a little $12 a week gift to me).
- Spend at least 1 day each weekend out in the world.
- Read at least 2 books.
- Continue the Made to Crave Bible Study at FBCW.
- Try at least 2 new recipes.
- Try at least 1 new food.
- Try one thing from Pinterest.
- Embrace my word for 2013 – Renew. Look for places where I can be renewed each day.
- Spend time in prayer each morning before things get too crazy for the day. Allow myself to be quiet in His presence at least half of that time.
- Listen to 1 new Broadway soundtrack.
- Travel to NYC for a weekend in December (a hard one usually since I am busy)
(I messed up the numbering if you are keeping track from the original list – which I am sure no one but me is.)
So I set some goals for myself at the beginning of the month in relation to the 40 before 40 list. Below are the updates:
January 2013 – To Do list
5. Start Project Life 2013 with a new purpose – relax and let it happen as it does. – YEAH! I am happy to report that I have in fact started the month and I am giving myself some wiggle room to make it mine.
6. Give up fast food. – I think I slipped once this month but for the most part, done.
7. Walk 40K this month – nope. Really need to get this going again.
9. Take at least 12 pictures. – I think it is close (I will have to count to be sure)
10. Blog 4 times. – Done
14. Don’t bite my nails – done (although they are breaking left and right this past week)
16. Spend at least 1 day each weekend out in the world. – I got out of the house each weekend…I may not have stayed out too long, but I did get out.
20. Read 2 books – I finished one book and have been making my way through 2 more – I call this success.
27. Start the Made to Crave Bible Study – I did…although I have not felt very well this last 2 weeks. I have been trying to keep up with the homework however.
29. Try 2 new recipes – yes and neither was good…yuck!
30. Try 1 new food – hmmm…I don’t know that I did this.
31. Try one thing from Pinterest – the recipes were from pinterest
32. Look for places to be renewed each day – this is a little harder to quantify.
33. Spend time in prayer each morning – some days are easier than others. But I have been trying to at least do a devotion each morning (Jesus Calling) and pray to start the day.
So all in all – not too bad. Tomorrow I will post the next list for Feb.