I don’t write much anymore. Things have been busy and it seems like when I get the urge to write, there is just not the time or the inclination to make it happen. Part of it has been stress – when I am stressed, I want to sleep all of the time. That “too tired” feeling permeates all aspects of my life and lethargy becomes a way of life.
Recently, I have been contemplating making some changes…stress and emotions have heightened to this frenzy of crying and breakdowns that are not attractive and not necessary. When I feel myself getting that way, first I retreat (not heard much from me…this is probably why) and then I reach out selectively to those I know can handle it (thanks to Penny for fielding the last one) and then when I can’t handle anymore, I let God in. Backwards I know.
This latest crisis has led me to a place that I love to be…but rarely am. I am content in the not knowing. I am sure that decisions will need to be made. I am sure that changes will have to happen. But right now, my God is telling me to wait it out. And so I am. And I have a peace about that – a calmness that passes all understanding.
For that, I am thankful. Whether the peace is due to the need for my mind to settle first before I am ready to make changes, or if this peace is due to a God who knows that I needed to get to where I was willing to wait before He showed me the next step…I am calm.