Just when you thought it was safe….

Missing him today.  Just hits me sometimes.  I have been so good about trying to put all this behind me but today I miss him.  Terribly.  And I think I can’t live like this.  Bursting out in tears at random moments.  And I think why can’t it just be over.  And then I remind myself that it has only been 2 and half weeks.  I know I am better than I have been.  But these random outbursts have to end.  I can’t handle it.  I don’t want to go back to how life was before.  I want more.  I want someone to share with and someone to laugh with and someone to do with.   I want someone who really cares about me.  I want …

I am seeing him this weekend to return a book I borrowed and forgot to get back to him when we officially returned stuff.  Am I really strong enough for this?  Can I handle it?  Or will I embarrass myself and say something?  I don’t want it to be like last time where I couldn’t speak.  And I know he is done talking about it all, he is moving on and he is happy about it.  I am the one left.  And I am supposed to be moving on…

So why can’t I? 

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One comment

  1. janna_u · June 5, 2009

    Why torture yourself? I’d just mail the book…

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