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time of movement

I have mentioned this before, but several times in my life I have been presented with an opportunity to change directions. When a series of things (relationships, activities, service opportunities) have all ended in the same period of time and I have that feeling of WHAT NOW? And here I am again. And things are not really clear to me yet. And I am impatient enough that I HATE IT. But – and there is a but – I read this article today about how there are two types of single people. The type who complain about being lonely, advise others about how hard it is to be single, and act out of desperation to not be single…in whatever way that means to them…believing that at “my age” the dating pool is so small that there will be no one left if they do not ACT NOW. And then there is the single person who lives their life, moves through the phases, and has a good time doing so…secure in the knowledge that being single is 1. not a disease, 2. not fatal, and, most importantly, 3. not a lifelong sentence.

I so want to be Single #2. I don’t think I am Single #1 completely. I have my moments. But for the most part I fall somewhere in between them. And I look at the choices I have to make about how to handle my present situation that is very much in the air, and I think…I need to be Single #2. I need to just live and see what happens and have a good time doing so – secure in the knowledge that 1. I will find something to do with my time (books, movies, cleaning, organizing, scrapooking) 2. it will most likely be things I like to do and/or need to do and 3. this period of time will not last forever.

And the thing is this is just not about being single. It applies to all of the areas of my life that are in transition….church, music, friends, and yes love. It has been a difficult month. (Still hard to believe how much has changed in just one month). And the difficulties are not over. It will be difficult when Sara leaves (as she is one of the few that I still have to go do things with). It will be difficult when Baker retires because no matter what, at least I knew where I stood with him (can I handle being rejected for service by a second Music Director?). It will be difficult to get over my fear and preform this year (just like it was last year). It will be difficult as I push myself to live the life I want…to be Single #2…to not want what God has not brought to me. And to be open to seeing what He IS presenting.

To everything Turn Turn Turn
There is a season
~The Byrds paraphrasing Ecclesiastes

WHAT NOW?

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