Over the last 5 years I have talked about moving out of state. Sometimes it is a dissatisfaction with things in Virginia that gets me going. Sometimes it is a dissatisfaction with a job. Sometimes it is talk of someone else moving that gets me thinking. And seeing as I am in still in VA, nothing has really happened and nothing makes me think it will ever happen. But still…
There is talk again. Heather told me Thursday that they are absolutely moving to San Antonio next year. Jeff signed the papers and while I am sad, I think they did the right thing for them. They too have talked about it a lot over the last couple of years and they will never know if it is right unless they try it. And do it now, as the kids are still young and while it will be hard, it will be even harder when they are teenagers or even pre-teens.
My parents always talked about leaving the area someday and never got that chance. And I am glad that H&J seem to be finally making the move. But it makes me really look at my life. Do I want to be like mom and dad and never get the chance just cause I never made it happen? Do I want to look back and think “if only?” Or is the fact that I am still here and nothing is happening just a sign from God that I was meant to stay here?
And I have to weigh the could haves and the did haves and wonder…am I ok with the life I got? Can I appreciate the life that God has given me? Do I fear that this is all there is – and is this talk of moving a way for me to abate the fear? Or is there some wonderlust in my heart that is still unresolved and until I go for it, it will remain there, leaving me asking the eternal “what if?”
Lately, I have been thinking again. Sara is going to Washington. My friends Todd and Jamie are talking about Washington as well as Jamie is from there. And Heather is off to Texas. And Matthew is in California. And Penny is in South Carolina. And I am still here. And I am not sure how I feel about that yet.