I had the realization the other day that y high school reunion…20 YEARS…is in a year and a half. When did I get so old? When did I reach the part of my life where I could say it had been 20 years since anything in my adult life? And when I look back at those 20 years what exactly do I see?
The main thing I see is a lack of long term goals. Goals that stuck. Lots of short term goals. Lots of goals I met. Lots of goals I didn’t meet. But really, no long term goals as I approach the end of these 20 years. The most obvious goal has eluded me for much longer than the 20 years it has been since high school. And in honor of the anniversary of my graduation, I am making a step. Again.
No, it is not the first time. And I assume that I am committing to making this step everyday for the rest of my life. It will not be easy. It will not be pretty. I will be moody about it. I will be cranky about it. And for those of you who think I am that way already, well I apologize in advance.
It is not a simple goal. It is one that fights the very fibers of my being. It is multi-faceted, multi-layered, and will take a huge commitment on my part as well as the a huge commitment from those around me. A commitment to accept, not judge, and motivate. A commitment to see a lighter side of me.
What big change is coming?
Happiness. (thought I was going to say my weight right?) Well in truth that is part of finding happiness. But so are these things:
- Seeing beauty is all things great and small…even me.
- Knowing to whom I belong and all that it means.
- Deciding everyday to change.
- Deciding everyday to think differently.
- Sharing the struggles but also sharing the triumphs.
- Being faithful in the knowledge that one day does not define me.
- Willingness to start over each day…His mercies are new every morning.
- Reaching out to others and believing that they will respond in a positive manner.
- Letting go of the doubts and fears that plague my emotional existence.
- Choosing joy and thankfulness.
- Reconnecting with the authentic me and shedding the skins that I have layered over it.
- Focusing on what I love and not feeling forced into that which tires me out.
- Committing to myself.
So why the deadline of my 20 year high school anniversary? Well it is an easily measurable target. It has a fixed date (June 17 was grad day in 1991). And it is a nice round number…right?
I am by nature an Eeyore…surrounded in life by Tiggers and Rabbits and Kangas and Pooh’s. Time to make a change and stop waiting and worrying about my tail coming off.