There are feelings that Christians can have a hard time expressing. Not because they are alone in feeling them…not because there is anything inherently wrong about them…but for some reason they inspire platitudes that do little to help the situation and can make the emotions all that more prevalent.
For me , that emotion is loneliness.
I am lonely.
Oh don’t get me wrong, I know lots of people. But, on the whole I am lonely. I suffer from this sort of social ackwardness…I am bad at small talk, when I am nervous about something or concentrating on something I come across as upset or too serious, and when I get quiet, which is usually a product of being nervous or awkward, I have been told it came across as not interested, stand-offish or “diva-like.” Really, I am just awkward socially.
It makes me want to hide…which of course makes the loneliness even more of a problem. It is a vicious cycle.
I am not admitting this because I want to beg people to reach out. I am not waiting for people to tell me that they love me and we are friends. I am writing this, because loneliness is one of things we don’t talk about. Christians, should have this inner knowledge that we are not alone. That loneliness is supposed to be impossible when God is part of your life.
But, we are made for fellowship. And where does a Christian go when fellowship is so hard to find…not because there are no people around…but simply as a result of the very personality God gave them?
I know I am not alone eternally. But here and now, in this life, I have had loneliness. And I am not sure what to do about it.