I have been searching for a sign. Since I made the decision to leave FBCW, I have been looking out for signs, affirmations, that I was on the right path. I felt secure in my decision to leave the church. I felt secure in my decision to choose which churches to visit. I even had a sense of peace at the idea of what exactly I was leaving behind. But I was still looking for a sign that said that once I was moving, I was going in the right direction.
And admittedly, it has not been easy to find the sign. I think there are days when I am still looking for my burning bush that will talk to me and tell me what I need to know. It know that God doesn’t need to do that anymore, the Spirit will guide me, but most days I wish He would be so obvious that I can’t miss it. And while I am sure He wishes I was quicker on the upswing, I know that He is patient enough with me to keep trying until I get it.
Well, friends, last night, it happened.
I attended my first small group meeting last night. And while I can’t say with absolute certainty that this will be my new small group, for now, I am going to enjoy my time there and see how God uses it and me to make change. So last night, I came in a little nervous (as I am with new people) and I was greeted by the leader that I had briefly met before. And then by the woman sitting to her left who immediately started asking questions and trying to get to know me. When we finally started the discussion, we had 2 topics – both of which were the signs I had been waiting for.
The discussion started with a look at salvation and asking the very simple question “If you died tomorrow, do you know where you are going?” The leader said that she had assumed everyone was saved, but just in case, she wanted to make sure she asked the question. And it brought me back to my first few months at FBCW.
You see, I came to FBCW with family who were already members. First, my sister had started attending in 3rd grade and had been saved and baptized there. Then after my sisters wedding, my mom started to attend – she was a baptized believer as well. So when I got there, most people thought I had accepted Christ as a child (like my sister) and then left the church during my adolescent years. And at 25 had found my way back. But really, I was not saved. And no one asked the question. I sang in the choir every week and I attended a SS class, and no one ever asked me about my salvation. For 5.5 months. No one ever asked. It took my sister mentioning it to her teaching partner (they taught 2nd grade SS class) for someone to have that conversation with me.
And while this small group had been going strong for some time, I found it interesting that they were having this conversation for the first time. It is not something we tend to do…this after the fact soul-check to make sure we are all on the playing field…that we all have made the same pledge with our lives. I thought it would be interesting if every small group/bible study started that way. A quick lesson on salvation and what to do if you have to explain it to someone else. There is value in the conversation – even when everyone in the room has already pledged their lives to follow Him.
After that discussion ended, they announced that they would be checking on the progress of their One Little Word project. You may remember, that One Little Word is a project I have been doing for a while (I posted about it in January this year…my word is FINALLY). And I thought “how cool is this, I already had a story to tell”. It was like God holding up a sign that said “THIS IS THE RIGHT DIRECTION!” I didn’t need an introduction or even a week or two to pick a word for myself, I had one. I was ready.
I learned last night, that God is holding up signs for me. And I have been so busy looking for the obvious, that I have missed signs along the way. My eyes are open now, and I am ready to receive.