I want to get angry. I want to throw things and yell and get the aggression out of my system. I feel like if I could get angry it would help the emotions come to the surface. But thus far, no. No anger. No crying. No outbursts. Just here.
I told my mom today that I wish that it could be 6 months from now. So that it could be over. It would have all passed. The 1st anniversary. Christmas. New Years. I want it all to be over. And I know that there are no shortcuts to heartache. You just have to go through it.
I think I am more angry that I have to go through it than I am that it is happening right now. Or maybe I am more angry that he doesn’t have to go through it and I do.
I want to hate him. But I can’t. I pity someone who has to live that way.