The Anger Factor

I want to get angry.  I want to throw things and yell and get the aggression out of my system.  I feel like if I could get angry it would help the emotions come to the surface.  But thus far, no.  No anger.  No crying.  No outbursts.  Just here.

I told my mom today that I wish that it could be 6 months from now.  So that it could be over.  It would have all passed.  The 1st anniversary.  Christmas.  New Years.  I want it all to be over.  And I know that there are no shortcuts to heartache.  You just have to go through it.

I think I am more angry that I have to go through it than I am that it is happening right now.  Or maybe I am more angry that he doesn’t have to go through it and I do.

I want to hate him.  But I can’t.  I pity someone who has to live that way.

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