personal

Defining moments of clarity

Have you ever had a moment when you could no longer deny that you were or were not something that you had previously believed yourself to be (or not to be as the case may be)? I had one this weekend. Let me explain.

My ex got married on Saturday. I know, I know…I have talked ad nauseum about this since it happened 2 months ago. Well, I am still having revelations and if you don’t want to hear about it, don’t read it.

Anyway. So he is off getting his “Happily Ever After” – or some version of it that he thinks he and she will have. And I am here…working my new plan – work at home, move, etc, etc, etc. And trying to find ways to meet new people.

And it occurred to me that his version of happily ever after is not mine. He met her less than 4 months ago and they are now married. I couldn’t fathom that. His wedding was, well, different than I could imagine mine being. (There was pole dancing involved people). And mostly, after just under 2 months she had let a man move into the house with her kids.

I have never been the type to throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may. And I am ok with that in this case. Can you imagine if I had? I would have married a cheater last winter. I would be her right now.

And I am sooooo glad I am not.

Having said all of this, however, it does make me realize that i am much more of a thinker (over thinker) than I ever imagined myself to be. I have spent a good deal of my life feeling like a dreamer…someone who would do something rash and on a whim.

My friends will probably tell you I have never been the dreamer I thought I was but trust me, it is how I saw myself. And I can let that thought go now.

One more change to the list of things that have been changing lately.

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