I have a confession to make. I have, on occasion, taken a look at T’s Facebook page. I block his page, then usually late one night or early one morning, I unblock it and take a look. I have likened this to a cutter who keeps opening the same wound over and over. Usually it is curiosity…but sometimes it is just a need to confirm that he moved on, he is in fact the person I think he is, and I am not wrong about him. So no judgement…as soon as Facebook will let me, I always go back and block him.
One of the harder aspects of seeing his page is seeing his friends talk about how great he is…or liking the posts where he talks about how great his wife and kids are. And I want to scream at them…he is not a great guy! He treats people so badly. You can’t trust anything he says. He is a cheater and a liar and …. well you get the point.
Which brings me to the question that I posed last night – how do you tell the difference between a good person who does something bad and a bad person who can do something good on occasion?
I have always believed that you could tell the difference by how they treated people in the aftermath of the bad thing…something that was confirmed by a couple of friends last night. A good person will feel remorse. They will insist on making it right. No matter how hard it may be to fess up, eventually, they have to or it eats away at them. Whether it is a small lie or a major hurt inflicted on someone, they have to stand up to the pain they caused and make amends. It is not easy. But it is the right thing to do. You owe it to them – whether or not you continue to have a relationship with them.
When I was dating T, he apologized a lot. Usually it was a defensive “I’m sorry” that came out of a fight. He said it because it was what I wanted to hear or because it was what he was supposed to say. Occasionally, he would apologize and you could tell it was difficult for him to say. It was those times I believed him the most.