My current relationship ended this past week. I will not go into any details here, but just know that has been a very difficult few days and I will be struggling and trying to process what happened for some time. I don’t think I will ever be able to make sense completely of the events that unfolded. And I have to be content with knowing that I made the right choices for me and my own well being.
Walking away when you still love someone and when they still love you, even for the right reasons, has to be the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I have spent a lot of time wondering “what if” and “if only.” That kind of speculation is not healthy and I have been trying to get out it, but I am also trying to allow myself just a small amount of time to really mourn and ask the questions in my head.
Despite what has happened, I do not regret meeting or loving him. I have to believe that there was a reason that he ended up in my life and a reason that I was allowed to love him for this short time. And I have to believe that my ability to walk away when necessary means that there is something better planned for me.
I sound very mature and reasonable about this I have been told…but I don’t feel that way. I feel broken. And confused. And angry. And so very very sad.