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Making a decision

I rarely shy aware from making a decision.   There have certainly been times when I have struggled with what is the right way to go, but I usually do not let myself sit on the fence too long.  I muddle it over, I agonize, I talk it out and then I make a decision.  One way or the other and then the issue is just dealing with the decision I made.  I can’t predict the outcome and there is something that makes it ok to just learn to live with my choice.

And, I am not often in a position where the opinions of others really matters in my decision making process.   But I usually am someone who needs to talk through an issue and so I involve others (to varying degrees) in the issue until I get some personal resolution.   It means that many people know bits and pieces but rarely is there someone who lives with the issue in the way that I do.  I don’t have anyone to talk to daily, so even my closest friends, know just a portion of what I know.

However, I have recently had to make a decision that was more difficult that usual.  This particular issue was such a big deal that I started to see a therapist.  And every week we would talk about issues surrounding this situation – how I felt, what it meant, how I was coping, how it affected and effected me, and mostly what did moving forward really mean – what did this choice would do to my life and what would it mean to me now and later.

The final decision was not easy and a large part of what made it so is that I was afraid that it would mean I could lose some people in my life due to the fact that they do not agree with me.  At the end of the day, I had to choose, and I will have to live with the consequences.  I will be right or I will be wrong.  I can only hope I don’t have to walk this path alone.

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