This week has been a challenging one for a few reasons. It is testing me right now and honestly I am growing tired of the process.
I have not been sleeping well for a few weeks now – it is most likely stress and the inability to get my mind to stop – but it is wearing on me physically. I am so tired all the time. It has made me forgetful and absentminded. Ok, more than normal.
I have also been having mood swings – some from the tiredness but mostly due to the “stop gap” that I had done last week. It is messing with my hormones and I find myself angry and sad a bit too often for my liking. I told J that i would end up in jail or alone if this kept happening and I will speaking to my doc about it as soon as possible.
In other news, I have been trying to find a new oncologist but thanks to a very complicated medical system and an even crazier insurance system, I can’t. No one will talk to me without a referral. I have a PPO so I don’t need a referral to see a specialist but the doc offices are insisting I have a referral before they will talk to me. So the search continues.
And I finally contacted the bariatric surgery center at the hospital only to be told that I needed to get my insurance company to sign off first. This is in direct contrast to what I had been told and does not explain why I had a referral but no one ever bothered to tell me for 4 weeks what needed to happen to get the appointment.
The maze that is the medical establishment is confusing and no one seems to talk to patients. There is a lot of “duh…” when you ask them a question – like “well, why don’t you know” or here is a sliver of the truth – fill in the blanks. No one is there to help you understand or know where to go next or what to do next. There is a secret language, a handshake I never learned, a network of knowledge I don’t have access to. I can’t imagine how hard this would be for a parent trying to help their child. Or someone who is facing a more life threatening issue than me.