The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

This week has been a challenging one for a few reasons.  It is testing me right now and honestly I am growing tired of the process.

I have not been sleeping well for a few weeks now – it is most likely stress and the inability to get my mind to stop – but it is wearing on me physically.  I am so tired all the time.  It has made me forgetful and absentminded.  Ok, more than normal.

I have also been having mood swings – some from the tiredness but mostly due to the “stop gap” that I had done last week.  It is messing with my hormones and I find myself angry and sad a bit too often for my liking.  I told J that i would end up in jail or alone if this kept happening and I will speaking to my doc about it as soon as possible.

In other news, I have been trying to find a new oncologist but thanks to a very complicated medical system and an even crazier insurance system, I can’t.  No one will talk to me without a referral.  I have a PPO so I don’t need a referral to see a specialist but the doc offices are insisting I have a referral before they will talk to me.  So the search continues.

And I finally contacted the bariatric surgery center at the hospital only to be told that I needed to get my insurance company to sign off first.  This is in direct contrast to what I had been told and does not explain why I had a referral but no one ever bothered to tell me for 4 weeks what needed to happen to get the appointment.

The maze that is the medical establishment is confusing and no one seems to talk to patients.  There is a lot of “duh…” when you ask them a question – like “well, why don’t you know” or here is a sliver of the truth – fill in the blanks.  No one is there to help you understand or know where to go next or what to do next.  There is a secret language, a handshake I never learned, a network of knowledge I don’t have access to.   I can’t imagine how hard this would be for a parent trying to help their child.  Or someone who is facing a more life threatening issue than me.


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