The last week has provided some challenges to me – both emotionally and physically. The odd thing is that I can deal with the challenge itself. It is the questions that it brings up that I have a hard time with. The why is harder than the actual issue itself. I guess that is always the way, but when challenges are coming hard and fast you really notice it.
So here is where my brain is lately:
- How do doctors balance the line between too much technical info and too little? I realize that is a generalization and I am the perfect candidate to make things more difficult. I want you to tell me as if I am a child – simplify it, but I don’t want you to treat me like a child – as if I am incapable of understanding eventually.
- When you are diagnosed with something – anything really – how in the world are you expected to wrap your brain around the technicalities of it in such a short amount of time that you have to make decisions? And isn’t that exactly where doctor’s need to help patients?
- When you have a doctor that doesn’t take the time to help you understand, what then? How do you make decisions about things you are not sure of?
- Why is it that I don’t have the right to copies of my own medical records without a fee, but other doctors can have it for free?
- How is it that I can call a doctors office one week and need a referral to see the doc and call the same office 2 weeks later and set up an appointment with no mention of a referral?
- The scariest part of the bariatric surgery is the eating plan – the strictness, the potential for regaining the weight if changes are not permanent, and the fact that I could go through all of this and still be fat. So why is it that I can’t seem to be happy about the possibility instead of focusing on it going wrong?
- Finally, when this is all over, I am sure I will look back and see all of the ways that God has helped me through this and all of the ways he put people in my path to walk this with me. But I am worried about some of the changes that are coming – not the day to day things but the “who am I” type questions. I have never been anything other than a fat adult. Being overweight has been my identity in many ways for as long as I can remember – as young as 8 or 9 years old. I don’t know what it is like to be thinner. I don’t think my personality will change as much as my options will change and how I respond to those options will make a great deal of difference in my life. That will be a lot for me. But it will also be a lot for those people who love me. And that concerns me most of all.