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Now that THAT is over…

For the last 4 months, my thoughts have been consumed with my health.  Cancer has a way of doing that to you.  Even early stages, even a non-fatal diagnosis, even when you keep telling others and yourself, it is not a big deal…it still has a way of dominating your headspace.  You wonder about your future.  You worry about how to tell people without making them worry about you.   And in my case, I spent a lot of my energy trying to resolve my feelings about the doctor and treatment.

In all of this time I have only cried over the cancer once…at diagnosis.  I have been told I was so positive about the whole thing and truthfully, I was.  It is my way when something big happens…I focus on the “work” – in this case, how to get better – and put the emotion aside.  Somewhere down the line, the emotion will hit me.  I think it is starting now.

I find myself crying over things that should not bother me.  I get emotional about things I am not prepared for – I listed to the Adele concert yesterday that had been on NBC Monday night and I was in tears hearing her sing “When We Were Young”.  It’s a great song, but not something I would normally be teary over.  I over-react to things that normally don’t bother me.  As the stress of the work of the last 4 months comes off of me, the emotional weight of it is just now becoming present.

I will probably spend a few months apologizing to J and my family for my reaction to things.   And please know, I am not trying to be dramatic.   I am trying to process what has happened.

I ask for your patience.  I will be fine.  But I need to process.  And so for now, I am.

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