I just posted on my Facebook page something I heard: The worst F word is “Fear” and how I live there too too often. Ask most people who work with me or know me well and they will tell you that I operate in a constant state of fear. I mask it well, so if you have never seen it – well I promise you it is there.
- I fear being alone.
- I fear being unknown.
- I fear being open.
- I fear being closed off.
- I fear missing missing something.
- I fear being late (probably due to the above).
- I fear being a problem to someone else.
- I fear being wrong.
- I fear the future.
- I fear the past happening again.
- I fear the cancer is not gone or will come back elsewhere.
- I fear I am not good enough.
- I fear I am not understood.
- I fear that no one really sees the real me.
- I fear…too much.
I share on this blog as a way to break some of my fears. A way to face the things in my head and when people comment on how “honest” I am on here, I don’t really know how to take it. I am not trying to be overly honest…I am trying to break a fear of being open.
Sometimes I feel like my life is an open book but honestly, there is so much that people don’t know about it. Even those closest to me.
So I am continually amazed when I read a blog that is SO honest and open. And I wonder if they are just like me – facing a fear in writing. Writing is putting yourself out there -but in a way that separates you from the reader. Yes – they can make comments – but you can avoid those if you choose to. I like them. Mostly. And honestly, since it is friends and family mostly reading them, I don’t really have a lot of issues with bad comments. I don’t think I could do it honestly if the comments were bad. The blog – while not perfect – is a safe option.
My current favorite is a writer out of Des Moines – Daniel Finney. His blog Making Weight, has become a quick favorite. Mr. Finney is writing about his struggle to overcome morbid obesity and he is SO honest about everything and I can relate to his struggles. He is further along in the journey than I am, but I just can’t get enough of his story.
I so appreciate those of you who take the time to read this when I choose to write. In the meantime, fear – while not exactly my friend – gets a little less each time.