I am in a season of pain. A season of sifting and changing. And that is not an easy process. In the past, I have been through these periods and I know the other side brings real revival, but the process – the valley – is not fun.
The thing is this season on pain is very different than it has been in the past. And a large part of that is my not trying to just get through it – I am putting the work in to try and resolve the issues this time. I am living in the pain in an effort to finally understand and to finally do more than bury it. I am ready to rid my life of it.
I am tired and I am weary. And sometimes I find it hard to fall to the one whose arms are prepared to catch me. God keeps waiting for me and when He sees that my stubborn self is not getting there…well, He does what He is best at. He makes the first move.
Friday night I was at the hairdressers getting a hair cut. It had been one of my worst work weeks in a long time. I felt beaten. My back and legs/knees were aching. I had been up since 3:30 in the AM with the worst case of acid reflux I have ever had and I was tired and my throat hurt. I had been to therapy that afternoon and I was still reflecting on the ways in which I don’t give myself enough credit at times and that change is a slow process.
When I came in that evening I had decided to cut my hair shorter and get highlights. But as I came in, they told me it was about a 45 minute wait and I almost said, never mind. But I didn’t – I went to Tropical Smoothie and got a drink to wait out the time. When I went back in it was clear that this was not going to be enough time and I was in for a long wait. A younger woman came in and added the names of her 2 kids to the list and did as I did – went to get smoothies. When they came back, they were really cute. They ended up called before me as I had arrived near a shift change and no one who would be able to commit to my hair for 2 hours was available. Once finished they left.
A few moments later, the mom came back in and I thought – oh, she must have forgotten something. I even looked over at the station where she had been waiting for her kids to see if I saw something. But when she entered, she stopped and sat next to me. And she said – this is going to sound really weird, but God told me to come in here and tell you that He loves you and you are beautiful. She said He literally would not let her leave until she did this. I hugged her and told her thank you for letting Him speak to you and she left for the night.
And then today when I got home from church, I was worried about carrying a bunch of things into the house and my knees were in a lot of pain and I was trying to not cry as I stood up. And then out of nowhere, there was a man and a young boy. And they had roses. And he handed me on and a card “from the children of God.” Inside the card said “Rejoice always. Pray continually. Because Jesus loves you so much. Have a happy day.”
In the painful seasons of my life in the past, God has not felt as present as He does now. And I am continually amazed at how I feel like this is validating the pain of the moment. I am meant to be here. I am meant to be going through these things. I am in the right place and while the valley is a tough place to be, He is with me. I just needed a reminder.