Dr Visit

I had a check in with the Surgeons office on Friday and overall things are going well.  He was pretty pleased with my progress.  I have a few things to work.  Here is a quick look at the good and the bad.


  • Almost all of the wounds are healed from the surgery.
  • I have lost 20 lbs since the 16th of Nov and 48 lbs overall (as of 12/1)
  • I was able to move to the next food stage which added pureed soup and pudding to my limited list of foods.  That will continue for 1 week and on Dec 8 I can move to “mushy food”
  • I have not had some of the more common issues that people have after surgery – that is a very good thing.  Means I am being cautious (and I should be).
  • I am allowed to drive – short distances but I was able to get out today for a little bit here in Orange and that felt really good.


  • I don’t get nearly enough protein (which I knew).  The protein shakes were not working for me after the surgery, so I moved to Protein water.  It is better but you have to drink A LOT to make it count.  I can’t get that much liquid in me.  Still trying to find the balance.
  • I told the doc I am cold all the time (currently sitting here with a blanket over me and the heat is on 74 degrees).  He wants me to have a blood test done to check my hormone levels and my thyroid.  Looks like more needles.
  • I am also still not sleeping enough so I have to contact the CPAP people and see about getting a new mask.  Hopefully that will help.  I am starting to feel desperate.

I go back to work tomorrow and I am really ready.  I need to keep my mind occupied.  But I also need to find BALANCE so that I don’t fall into the trap of sitting all day and not doing all I am supposed to.  Tomorrow is day 1.  We will see…




Many years ago, I read about a project called One Little Word.  Each year you choose a word to represent the upcoming year and you try and reflect on that word and connect to it throughout the year.  I have written about it before and I have a tendency to keep momentum with my word for a few months and somewhere along the line, it seems to lose its potency.  At the end of the year I can look back and see how it still applied, but my mojo to make those connections seems to fade.

Today while in the car with my mom we were brainstorming my word for this 2018. 2018 is going to be a big year with a lot of changes happening.  And while CHANGE may have seemed appropriate, CHANGE is not really my focus.  It is about transforming into who I was meant to be.

So for 2018, my word is TRANSFORM.


Updates – Week 2

I feel a bit like the surgery just happened and a bit like it was ages ago!  So much has been happening.  Here is a quick look at my week:

  • I am still not sleeping well.  I just can’t get comfortable.  But last night went better and each night seems to improve a little.  Let’s just keep that momentum going.
  • I am supposed to be having 2 protein drinks a day – I can barely get through one.  That is going to be an issue moving forward I think.
  • I have had only a couple of bad days since the surgery, the first one I was weepy and felt like a total drama queen.  The second I was irritated and had no patience.  2 days out of 14 is not a bad average.  But I prefer when I am feeling better – especially when I need to depend on others to help me right now.
  • I had visitors this week which was nice.  It broke up the monotony of the days.
  • I see the doc tomorrow for the first time and I am hoping he will give me the ok to drive again.  I would like to have my freedom back.
  • I am completely off the pain meds now – that is a good sign.
  • I am adjusting to the amount of pills I need to take a day.  It is not second nature yet, but at least I am not forgetting on a regular basis.
  • I got an invitation this week to sing this weekend at my home church with my old choir.  I need to decide if I can.  My voice is back (yay!) but I am not sure yet if I have the stamina.  I would like to as it will most likely be the very last time I ever sing there.
  • I start back to work on Monday and I am more than ready.



Updates – week 1

Tomorrow marks one week since I had surgery and I wanted to give an update on how things have been going.  Its not all bad or good, but some combination of both.    Its in no order – ramblings of a tired mind at this point.

  • I apparently woke up from surgery and asked my mom why she didn’t talk me out of this.
  • J was able to come each night and visit after work.  It was nice to have him there as I was winding down for the day.
  • They had me up and walking each day – including day 1.  I am to still take a walk to two each day – eventually moving up to 30 minutes a day.  My knees have not been hurting me thanks to the meds, but I imagine it will start again – a bridge I will need to cross eventually.
  • I am supposed to be having 2 protein shakes a day.  So far, I have yet to be able to stomach even a part of 1.  I called the Dietician and she told me to try something new.  I have them delivering on Friday.  Let’s hope this works.
  • I have to give myself 2 shots everyday.  That is not fun but it is only temporary.
  • I am not really sleeping at night.  Part is finding a position where things are not hurting, part is trying to learn to adapt to a CPAP machine, and part is waking up to take meds.  I need to get back into the habit of sleeping at night – hopefully soon.
  • I am weaning myself off the pain meds.  Went from every 4 hours to every 6.  Hoping to be off of it entirely by Monday/Tuesday if possible.  We will see.
  • The pain meds in the hospital were the good ones.  I was lightheaded once it was put into my IV.  You don’t hurt, but I didn’t really like the feeling that much.
  • I can’t put shoes and socks on by myself yet.  I get closer and closer.
  • My mom left this evening after being with me since I came home.  J will be here tomorrow.  Then I am on my own.  Sort of – so many people have offered to come and help.  I just can’t get over people’s generosity.
  • Thank you everyone for the cards and well wishes and flowers.

Love you all.


What This Is All About

Tomorrow I embark on Phase 2 of my weight loss journey.  It would be so easy to believe that this is all about the cosmetic for me.  A lifetime of being the “fat girl” and I have a chance to make some changes – drastic ones – that could change that.  But in truth, this surgery will not make me skinny.  It will not solve issues for me.  It will only force me to face the things I have avoided that led me here in the first place.

This surgery is really about wanting to feel better.  Wanting to live a life that is not just a series of “I can’ts” but instead getting back to a place of “let’s try”.  A life of saying Yes instead of No.

I read once that when you get bigger, your world gets smaller.  You go less places, you do less things, you get invisible to other people.  I have gotten to a point where my circle is largely just the people I have known a long time (with a few exceptions), my activities have reduced down to a bare minimum and there are days on end where I don’t even leave the house because it is easier and safer to just be at home but myself.

I don’t do the things I love.   I can’t do the things that I used to do.  I miss me.  I miss my energy and my ability to be strong and capable.  I will have that again.   And this surgery is going to help start this process.

Thank you for your support to everyone who has commented on Facebook and sent well wishes.   Mostly thank you for listening to me as I complained and whined and still cheered me on.  Love you all.



Tomorrow = T minus 3 weeks

Tomorrow starts the first day of a 3 week “liquid” diet.  Its not 100% liquid and there are more options than I anticipated.  Each day I have to have 4 protein shakes, 2 protein bars, 64 ounces of water and 1 cup of skim milk.  I am then allowed to have 3 servings of sugar-free jell and 3 sugar free popsicles if I choose.

I have so many feelings about this right now.   I know that by day 3 I will be craving something – anything – other than a protein shake or jello.  I know that as someone who is generally speaking a rule follower – and as someone who does not want to mess this up – I will follow the rules and I will do as I am told.  But it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

There has been so much to this process.  I have come so far.  I have said during this process “the next step is the hardest” – no matter what the step was.  First it was to decide on the surgery.  Then which surgery to have.  Then to start making changes.  Then to start therapy.  And now to give up food – for a while.

I don’t feel any fear at this point.  As it gets closer, I am sure I will.  But for now, I just feel ready.  Today I am prepping.  Tomorrow I start the next phase.





Less than one month to go…

Today I attended a seminar on what food is going to look like once I start the liquid diet and then what it looks like after the surgery is over.   I was expecting it to be worse….there were more options than I had anticipated.  However, talk to me once I have been on it for a week and I will tell you that there are no options and I am dying (most likely I am just HANGRY…my new word of the month).

My schedule, in the meantime, is filling up:

  • Dr visit – Blood work tomorrow
  • In the office for a client meeting next week
  • Dr visit – Results of blood work, EKG and pre-op clearance
  • Dr visit – Results of sleep test I did
  • In the office for a vendor meeting
  • Dr visit – last time with surgeon before surgery and with dietician to get results of what vitamins I will need after and to go over food
  • Last day of work
  • Surgery

In addition to the above I have a list of things I need to doing/looking for/getting for the time after the surgery.

  • Fine strainer
  • Pill cutter
  • Cleaning out the rest of the kitchen
  • Cleaning in the apt so mom has a place to sleep for a couple of nights
  • Going through clothes and separating them by size
  • Protein drinks for after the surgery
  • List of vitamins I will need to get and take for the rest of my life
  • Cleaning up work for when I am out

I have a lot ahead of me.  Today should have scared me.  Instead it made me ready.  I can do this.